When the Night Feels Too Big: What Anya Can Teach Us About Fear

Do your fears sometimes feel bigger than you? This blog post about Anya's fears during her night watch reminds you that thoughts, feelings, and actions are interconnected. A simple one-week experiment helps you notice your own thoughts in fearful moments as a first, doable step toward feeling less at your fear's mercy. The experiment is not a replacement for therapy. To get a therapeutic effect, you want to work with me or another therapist who is trained in UP-A.

In K. O’Neill’s graphic novel The Moth Keeper, Anya wanders through a vast night-filled desert with a tiny lantern, carrying a great responsibility on her shoulders. She has agreed to be a Moth Keeper, a “beacon for the Moon Moths” and “a guardian to the Night-Flower Tree.” Being a Moth Keeper is truly an honor, but few would make the sacrifice this role requires. It is a great challenge to face the cold, pitch-dark desert all alone, far from friends and loved ones. It takes a special kind of person to do that so that the night villagers can thrive. Anya wants to be that special person. Yet it is not easy for her. On her night watch, she finds herself intimidated by the lonely darkness of the desert, wishing she could join the festivities of the sun villagers and bask in the sun.

Two Kinds of Thoughts

While wandering through the winter-cold desert, Anya has different kinds of thoughts. At times, her thoughts remind her how important her mission is. She finds herself thinking, “I want to be a light for others.” This thought helps her “keep warm inside even on long, cold nights.” With thoughts like these, she stands tall, takes firm steps, and holds her lantern high.

At other times, Anya thinks, “The night is so big,” and asks herself, “If my lantern went out right now … would I even exist anymore?” These thoughts feed her fear like energy snacks. Her eyes stare anxiously into the night. Her shoulders sink, her hands grip the lantern stick, and her head hangs low. The desert darkness seems to almost swallow her.

Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions Are Connected

Anya’s experience reminds us of an important connection between our thoughts, feelings, and actions. What we think influences how we feel, and how we think and feel influences how we act. We have already seen this chain at work in Anya. When her thoughts keep her warm inside, she stands tall and holds her lantern high. When her thoughts feed her fear, her shoulders sink and her head hangs low. When Anya thinks, “I’m all right. I’ve found my own way to enjoy the night,” she feels strong, and we see her “hold tight against the darkness” despite her fear. But when she is scared of the dark and thinks, “What is wrong with me?” her fear grows bolder and stronger.

Try It Yourself: Be a Feeling Scientist!

Why don’t you see how this works in your own life? Here is an experiment you could try. For the next week, observe closely how you feel. When you notice that you are confident and content, pause for a moment and ask, “What was I just thinking?” Then write your thoughts down in a notebook or on a piece of paper. Notice your posture. How does your body feel? How does your voice sound?

Do the same thing when you feel fear. What kind of thoughts accompany your fears? What happens to your body and your voice in fearful moments?

Keep in mind that you are not trying to change your thoughts or feelings. All you want to do is observe, like a feeling scientist, the kinds of thoughts you have when you feel sure of yourself and the kinds you have when you feel fear. At the end of the week, look back at your notes. Do you see anything surprising?

The information in this blog post is not to be read as replacement for therapy. To get the benefit of therapy, you want to work with me or another therapist trained in the UP-A protocol.