How to Talk to Your Teen About Therapy

Talking with your teen about therapy can feel daunting. These suggestions, drawn from techniques I use with my own teen clients, focus on listening first and respecting your teen’s pace.

Therapy can be a sensitive subject for teens. Many feel reluctant to try it, even when they sense it could help. That reluctance is not just about stigma. Teens may believe they should be able to handle tough situations on their own, worry about being misunderstood, or feel uneasy about discussing difficult feelings with a stranger. These concerns are valid and developmentally appropriate: they are rooted in a teen’s growing need for independence and self-reliance. Asking for help can feel like being treated as a child again.

How you talk to your teen about therapy will depend on your family’s culture and communication style. There is no single approach that works for everyone. Below are some suggestions you can adapt to your own situation. They draw on the motivational interviewing techniques I use with my teen clients as part of the Unified Protocol for Transdiagnostic Treatment of Emotional Disorders in Adolescents (UP-A).

•     Start with respect. Signal early in the conversation that you respect your teen’s position and will not push them into anything they are not comfortable with. The goal is not to challenge their opinion or prove them wrong; it is to hear their thoughts and reservations about a topic that is not easy.

•     Ease in through someone they admire. Billie Eilish, Selena Gomez, Zendaya, and Simone Biles, among other well-known artists and athletes, have spoken openly about their mental health and what they have gained from therapy. You could ask your teen what they know about these stories and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Talking about someone else can feel easier than talking about yourself, and it opens the door to a more personal conversation if and when your teen is ready.

•     Listen more than you talk. Simple responses like“I see,” “thank you for telling me,” and “that’s a good point” show your teen you are truly listening. Try to keep your own comments brief and avoid “why” questions, which can feel like an interrogation. Thinking out loud with a receptive listener can help your teen clarify what they want, and what a therapist might offer them.

•     Explain confidentiality. It can be reassuring for your teen to hear that a therapist shares only as much with parents as the teen is comfortable with. Safety concerns are the one exception to that rule.

•     Weigh it together. If your teen is open to it, make a pros-and-cons list together: trying therapy versus keeping things as they are. This can help your teen step back and look at their situation with fresh eyes.

•     Do some homework ahead of time. It can help to research a few therapists who might be a good match for your teen. Once your teen is willing to give therapy a try, you can look over the therapists’ websites together and come up with a couple of questions to ask in an introductory call.

•     Include your teen in the first call. Even if they would rather listen than ask questions, being present gives your teen a feel for how comfortable they would be working with that particular therapist.

•     Then step back. Once your teen has agreed to a first appointment, trust the therapist to build the relationship from there.

It may take more than one conversation, sometimes spread over several weeks, before your teen feels ready to meet with a therapist. That is normal and developmentally appropriate. Therapy works only when a teen is fully on board.